Marriage is one of the most important relationships that you will ever engage in, but it is also one of the hardest relationships to maintain. The key to a long-lasting and healthy marriage is to have a strong foundation. It is important to incorporate God into your marriage so that your marriage is able to grow and endure challenges. It is also important because God is the only one that truly knows how to make a marriage survive and grow. Only God knows the true meaning of marriage, and that meaning is free of selfish needs.
What is the foundation of your marriage? I have observed many marriages that are based upon lust, convenience, desperation, love, and loneliness. The problem with using one of the aforementioned as a basis for marriage is that each will lead to shaky ground and will not endure the test of time. When God is incorporated into marriage then we have a source for problem solving, learning how to love, how to over come challenges, and how to heal with the support of our spouse. Quite often in my professional teaching role I have asked couples why did they decide to get married, but I inform them that they cannot give the answer that they are in love. More often than not the couples have great difficult identifying why they want to get married. I think that if we do not know why we are getting married than we are starting on shaky foundation. If we marry because we simply do not want to be alone or think that no one else will want to marry us, we are starting on shaky ground.
So what is the foundation of your marriage? In what ways can you use the marital relationship to do God’s will?
I really dislike the term “friends with benefits” I am very surprised that women have lowered their standards so low that they are willing to accept this title, which by the way simply means booty call. This means that a woman is not worthy of a commitment, she is only worthy of casual sex and only thought of when sexual needs arise. Women continue to be under the illusion that this is a good scenario and that somehow they are in control of the situation and gaining all that they want from this so-called “friends with benefits” but what about “Marriage with benefits? In our society we seem to forget that there are a lot of benefits to marriage. Besides the obvious reason of having companionship and some one to build a family with, marriage is very essential to individual adult development.
Many of us experience the development that occurs during adolescents and then again during the college years. Think back to your personality when you were a sophomore in college compared to now as a fully grown adult with responsibilities. I know for instance that I have changed my views on many issues, my personality has changed related to my spiritual connection with God, I also changed when I became Mrs. Dixon. I had always knew that I changed but it wasn’t until I began to observe those around me who were married and those who were not married that I realized how much my marriage had contributed to my adult development. Marriage is a unique bond that brings about positive change, provided that you marry the right person. Just as when one has children and change for the better, marriage should also bring about a positive change. So, exactly how does marriage change us? Here are just some of the ways in which marriage can change us.
If you are married and have not changed for the better, then you may not be in the best relationship. Marriage with benefits allows us to mature, this type of maturity cannot occur in casual sexual encounters. The mentality of “friends with benefits” may actually stunt adult development because that type of relationship is rooted deep in selfishness and sin.
Some common benefits of marriage:
1. In marriage we learn how to argue in a mature manner, we learn how to consider the opinions of others.
2. We learn how to humble ourselves (when needed) for the greater good.
3. For those of us who are rebellious, we learn how to accept criticism and correction that is made out of love.
4. We learn relationship boundaries, how to keep others out of our marriage and how to stay out of other people’s marriages.
5. We learn how to work as a team to solve problems.
6. We learn how to respect the opinions of someone else.
7. We learn how to accept someone telling us when we are wrong, and listen to sound reasoning.
8. We learn how to solve financial problems.
9. We learn our shortcomings, rooted in childhood, our shortcomings are exposed and we can correct them in a safe environment.
10. We learn how to consider someone’s else’s feelings before our own.
11. We learn how to regulate our emotions, and how to identify emotional issues.
12. We learn how to connect and build a healthy relationship, outside of pure sex.
13. We learn the importance of being cooperative.