Are You Marriage Worthy……..

Are you worthy of marriage? Are you dating and thinking about getting engaged? How do you know if you are worthy of marriage? Do you know why you want to get married? Before marriage takes place, you have to be sure you are worthy of the title of Husband or Wife, so how does one know if they are worthy of marriage? Hopefully this will help you figure out if you are worthy:

  1. You are worthy of marriage if you are socially and emotionally mature.
  2. You are worthy of marriage if you are single (not engaged, NOT SEPARATED, and not a SERIAL SPOUSE (multiple failed marriages).
  3. You are worthy of marriage if you are financially secure.
  4. You are worthy of marriage if you are able to leave your family and cleave to your potential spouse.
  5. You are worthy of marriage if you are mature enough to commit, putting selfishness aside and understand the purpose of marriage.
  6. You are worthy of marriage if you know that God has to be the head of the relationship.
  7. You are worthy of marriage if you can problem solve, handle conflict, and listen.
  8. You are worthy of marriage if you RESPECT THE UNION OF MARRIAGE.
  9. You are worthy of marriage if you know how to create BOUNDARIES to keep others out of your relationship.
  10. You are worthy of marriage if you are able to spend the rest of your life giving the other person the advantage, so that their needs are fulfilled.
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Wife Material

What does it take to become an awesome wife? Are you wife material? How would you know if you were wife material? There was a time when women were value laden, feminine, and walked with respect and confidence. Sometimes this is not so in today’s society. There was a time when a wife was the lady that you married, lived with, had sex with, and built a life together. There was a time when being a wife was reserved for respectable women. In today’s world of free sex, children out of wedlock, shacking up etc. marriage does not always create a place of sanctity. So, who is wife material?

A woman is wife material if:

1. She refuses to shack up

2. She refuses to have sex or children out of wedlock

3. She desires to have a family and keep a home

4. She is mature and intelligent/educated

5. She understands the role of a wife

6. She has standards

7. She has values that are aligned with God

8. She respects marriage

9. She exudes class (appropriate dress, proper speech, respects her body, is not flirtatious etc)

10. She is not desperate

11. She is nurturing and caring

12. She understands a husbands role

Finally, if she has fallen short of any of the above, she learns from her mistakes. For example, she may have had one baby out of wedlock, but does not continue that behavior, she repents and turns her behavior around. Remember, no one is perfect, even I have made many of the mistakes above, but with the help of God I have turned things around, I am now proud to be wife material.

The Notion Of Marital Happiness

The notion of marital happiness consist of the belief that because one marries, that one will be happy. The idea that all problems will magically disappear, and that the new spouse will be responsible for all happiness and joy throughout the marriage is not true. This type of notion has ruined many marriages over the years. This marriage notion is basically faulty thinking. The reason that it is faulty thinking is that the responsibility for individual happiness is placed upon somebody else’s shoulders. This is not realistic and is very unfair. It is also faulty thinking because it encourages individuals to reside in laziness, sitting back and waiting for some extraordinary event to take place as opposed to taking personal responsibility.

We shouldn’t marry simply to be happy, happiness comes from inside and a true relationship with God. Happiness is ongoing and should be obtained prior to marriage. Marriage like anything else requires hard work and dedication to a common goal. It is important for married couples to understand that happiness is a choice, and that no one person is happy all the time, but we can choose to work towards happiness everyday.

Relationship Chopped

One of my favorite television shows is “Chopped” that airs on the Food Network. If you haven’t seen the show the premise is that four chefs compete in timed competitions to make three dishes, each round somebody is eliminated. The chefs stand before a panel of judges and they listen to the judges critique their finished dishes. One of the obstacles within the competition is that for each meal the chefs cook they have to use specified ingredients, some ingredients they have used before and some they may be unfamiliar with. 

Well, I began to think about what if we used a relationship version of chopped. What if, when we decided we were ready to marry we dated several people at a time; lets say four dates at a time. How wonderful if the potential mates could audition for a place in your heart, to see if they really loved you and to see if they were marriage material.

The first round would warrant that a contestant desires to marry, passes all perquisites such as (good financial standing, sharing values/religion, future goals and family values, work ethic, sexual past etc.) this would hopefully insure that you are on the same page with your date. If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

The second round would require that there is enough attraction, in other words are you in love, are you sexually, mentally, emotionally attracted to your date? Do you desire to be with this individual? If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

The third round would require that your date is able to past the family test. If your date met your friends and family (provided they are mature and emotionally and spiritually sound) would they receive a favorable review? If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

The fourth round would require a proposal in a timely manner and respect for moral values. Meaning that your potential mate should not attempt to live with you before marriage or to have sex with you out of marriage. The winner of relationship chopped would be spiritually mature, ready to commit, would not have to wait on a divorce, and would not drag his or her feet by delaying the proposal or having an extended engagement. If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

It should be this simple, and you should have requirements for the person that you decide to marry.

When The One Becomes Two……

When an individual decides to marry and become two some things are bound to change. The idea of becoming two simply means that the newly formed couple works as a team; the two individuals now consult each other before making decisions as to insure they are not being inconsiderate. It is important for the process of bonding to take place so that the marriage has a firm foundation. After the two individuals have become two it is also equally important for the two to maintain some individuality. For instance, each one should take time for self by maintaining friendships, alone time, and hobbies. When a married couple does not have an outlet to release energy and creativity then stress will build within the relationship. A well-rounded couple consist of those who can function within the relationship as well as outside of the relationship. Don’t allow your spouse to become your safety net; thus allowing your activities and friendships to wither away. 

Happy Bonding!

Whats Wrong With Waiting?

Why do individuals feel it is necessary to rush into life long commitments such as marriage and child rearing? These are two of the most important decisions that an individual will ever make in his or her adult life; therefore these decisions cannot be taken lightly. Marriage is a sacred institution and should not take place until the individuals involved have taken ample time to get to know each other. The decision to marry should not be made simply because individuals feel happy, have butterflies in their tummy, or because of outstanding sex. Marriage should not occur to fulfill selfish reasons like not wanting to be alone, or because friends and family members are pressuring you to marry. No, this decision is serious and the idea of “if this doesn’t work I can divorce” should not be an option, because this type of thinking will lead to couples abandoning their relationships at the slightest discomfort. 

Before you decide to get married take the time to get to know the other person. Be sure to know, interview, and understand their family of origin. Don’t settle for uncertainties, ask important questions and observe behaviors that may be problematic. Find out about marital, sexual, financial, employment, and psychological histories. This is important so that there are no surprises. You should see all aspects of the other person’s personality such as happiness, sadness, anger, depression, etc. Often when people want to get married they only display their desirable characteristics so that they may impress the other person. Couples should date and get to know each other for at least a year prior to marrying, couples should not live together, because this gives a false impression of what marriage is all about and is wrong in the eyes of God.

Just as there is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage, one should also wait for the correct time to have children. I believe having a child is more life changing than marriage, because children unlike a marriage cannot be dissolved. The relationship is permanent and unlike and any other.  The decision to create a baby should not be made without careful thought given to how this will change lives forever, and the amount of support that is needed in order to raise children properly.

For some reason in our society it has become the norm to act first and think later. In some situations this could be a good thing, but when it comes to parenting and marriage this might not be the best approach. Whatever happened to placing value on making thoughtful and sound decisions. Why is there a need for rush, rush? I have a theory about why our society needs to rush everything. Maybe people are rushing because they are afraid that if they took the time to wait for marriage and children that they would realize, maybe, just maybe the person they want to marry or create children with is not appropriate, but they are afraid of being alone and never experiencing being a parent or having committed relationship. But what good is a relationship if it is not with the right person and what good is having a child for the wrong reason, both situations can result in pain and unhappiness.

Give yourself time to make good decisions!

 

Painless Dating

Dating can be exciting and fun, it can also be painful and confusing if one does not date with a plan in mind.  The pain that is sometimes experienced can be eased if one dates with an agenda.  Having an agenda reduces stress, confusion, and  hurt feelings.  Having a dating agenda simplifies the entire dating process. Be sure when you date you understand your purpose for dating and the purpose of the other person, dating should not turn into a long painstaking ordeal. Here are some helpful tips for dating made easy.

  1. Have an agenda: it is imperative to know why you are dating, whether you date for companionship or marriage, be sure to know ahead of time. Don’t be naive, remember some people simply date for casual reasons, be sure to know your dates intentions.
  2. You are either married or single (I once heard someone say): do not place unrealistic expectations upon the person you are dating.  True commitment can only come from marriage. Don’t waste time and emotions pretending that someone you are dating casually has a commitment to fidelity, especially if you have not defined fidelity within the relationship.
  3. Teach your date how to treat you: opening the door for a woman, not calling after a certain time, speaking in a respectful manner etc. starts with the first encounter.
  4. Know what you are bringing to the table? Be sure that you meet all the requirements and expectations that you have for the person you are dating. It is selfish to have a list of wants or demands of someone else that you cannot fulfill in return.
  5. Be honest: don’t hide or omit information simply because you are afraid that the person you are dating may not be able to accept your truth.
  6. Ask the important curious questions up front: Are you dating anyone else? Are you married? Are you ok if I date other people?
  7. Take it slow and easy: try taking your time to get to know the other person before making important decisions.

Please add your dating tips to the list!