I’m Afraid I Don’t Know My Fiancé Very Well?

Well, you have bought the dress, ordered the flowers, and paid for the tuxedos, this should be the happiest time in your life. Something is wrong, and it is hard to explain.

The Bride To Be:

“When we were dating everything seemed good, but now that we have moved in together, I’m learning things about you that I didn’t realize before. Sometimes  I wonder if we really know each other.  I notice that when you are angry, you become physically intimidating.  I notice that when you are mad at me that you give me the silent treatment for a week. I try to talk to you but that just seems to make you more angry. I heard you talking to your mother the other day about our problems, but you won’t talk to me. Lately, you are spending more time with your friends then you spend with me.”

The Groom To Be:

“When I come home I’m tired and you seem to want to talk. When I want sex, you don’t want to be bothered. When your parents come for a visit, you push me to the side and the three of you plan our wedding, without any input from me. I  try to talk to you but you just get sad, cry, or you over-talk me. Lately, I have been talking to a co-worker, because I feel like I don’t have anyone else to talk to. We are supposed to get married in two months, but I have doubts, as it seems that we don’t really know a lot about each other and now those differences are starting to appear.”

Here are ten signs that you may not REALLY know your fiancé

  1. If you have not known and dated your fiancé for at least a year  and a half. Meaning you dated for a year before accepting a proposal
  2. If you have not discussed important issues like money, sex, religion, etc.
  3. If you have not seen all aspects of his or her personality (range of emotion) sadness, anger etc.
  4. If you have not figured out how to have a PRODUCTIVE argument/conflict
  5. If you have not met all immediate and important family and friends
  6. If you have not discussed whether or not you want to have children
  7. If you have negative feelings toward your fiancé’s friends or family that you have not discussed or resolved
  8. If you have NOT discussed prior sexual and medical history (disorders, diseases etc.)
  9. If you don’t trust or have concern about your fiancé’s character
  10. If you and your fiancé live in different states and have dated and established a relationship LONG distance

If you need one on one coaching or counseling regarding your engagement please complete the form below.

Loving Through The Distance

Relationships are difficult, if distance is added to the equation the difficulties may become magnified. Relationship distance can occur for several reasons, we have to be mindful of signing up for relationships where distance is a part of the equation. Often people enter relationships with good intentions, but later complain and become resentful of their partner. This then becomes an unfair situation. There are several adequate reasons for distance in a relationship, such as individuals who serve in our countries’ military, those who travel for work purposes, and those who are temporarily taking care of a loved one.

When we are in a relationship with someone who travels for work often, we owe it to them to be supportive, encouraging, and grateful. Especially if we knew ahead of time that our love one has a position that requires travel.  Some separation can be healthy, in that it allows us to appreciate the other  person and the quality of the relationship. When someone is not a part of our daily routine will are then able to realize how much of a major role they play in our lives. Time spent together becomes more deliberate, planned, and appreciated. When we are away from our loved ones we have very little time to sweat the small stuff when we are together.  Distance can foster needed independence that some couples need; getting out of our comfort zone allows us to broaden our coping skill set.

One major advantage of being separated from our love ones is that we get the opportunity to engage in the loss art of courting and engaging in meaningful conversation. When we are apart we have to concentrate more on conversation, this is a loss art.  Many couples do not know how to communicate and do not value conversation. With advances in technology we often overlook the benefits of a good old fashion conversation; which can allow us to increase intimacy and lessen conflict.

Here are some tips for loving through the distance:

  1. Utilize technology such as Skype, text, E-Cards etc to communicate.
  2. Instead of focusing on the distance, focus on the positive, such as career advancement, more money, or service to country.
  3. Rekindle the old flame that originally bought you together.
  4. Take advantage of the time apart, do something that you normally would not be able to do.