I’m Afraid I Don’t Know My Fiancé Very Well?

Well, you have bought the dress, ordered the flowers, and paid for the tuxedos, this should be the happiest time in your life. Something is wrong, and it is hard to explain.

The Bride To Be:

“When we were dating everything seemed good, but now that we have moved in together, I’m learning things about you that I didn’t realize before. Sometimes  I wonder if we really know each other.  I notice that when you are angry, you become physically intimidating.  I notice that when you are mad at me that you give me the silent treatment for a week. I try to talk to you but that just seems to make you more angry. I heard you talking to your mother the other day about our problems, but you won’t talk to me. Lately, you are spending more time with your friends then you spend with me.”

The Groom To Be:

“When I come home I’m tired and you seem to want to talk. When I want sex, you don’t want to be bothered. When your parents come for a visit, you push me to the side and the three of you plan our wedding, without any input from me. I  try to talk to you but you just get sad, cry, or you over-talk me. Lately, I have been talking to a co-worker, because I feel like I don’t have anyone else to talk to. We are supposed to get married in two months, but I have doubts, as it seems that we don’t really know a lot about each other and now those differences are starting to appear.”

Here are ten signs that you may not REALLY know your fiancé

  1. If you have not known and dated your fiancé for at least a year  and a half. Meaning you dated for a year before accepting a proposal
  2. If you have not discussed important issues like money, sex, religion, etc.
  3. If you have not seen all aspects of his or her personality (range of emotion) sadness, anger etc.
  4. If you have not figured out how to have a PRODUCTIVE argument/conflict
  5. If you have not met all immediate and important family and friends
  6. If you have not discussed whether or not you want to have children
  7. If you have negative feelings toward your fiancé’s friends or family that you have not discussed or resolved
  8. If you have NOT discussed prior sexual and medical history (disorders, diseases etc.)
  9. If you don’t trust or have concern about your fiancé’s character
  10. If you and your fiancé live in different states and have dated and established a relationship LONG distance

If you need one on one coaching or counseling regarding your engagement please complete the form below.

Painless Dating

Dating can be exciting and fun, it can also be painful and confusing if one does not date with a plan in mind.  The pain that is sometimes experienced can be eased if one dates with an agenda.  Having an agenda reduces stress, confusion, and  hurt feelings.  Having a dating agenda simplifies the entire dating process. Be sure when you date you understand your purpose for dating and the purpose of the other person, dating should not turn into a long painstaking ordeal. Here are some helpful tips for dating made easy.

  1. Have an agenda: it is imperative to know why you are dating, whether you date for companionship or marriage, be sure to know ahead of time. Don’t be naive, remember some people simply date for casual reasons, be sure to know your dates intentions.
  2. You are either married or single (I once heard someone say): do not place unrealistic expectations upon the person you are dating.  True commitment can only come from marriage. Don’t waste time and emotions pretending that someone you are dating casually has a commitment to fidelity, especially if you have not defined fidelity within the relationship.
  3. Teach your date how to treat you: opening the door for a woman, not calling after a certain time, speaking in a respectful manner etc. starts with the first encounter.
  4. Know what you are bringing to the table? Be sure that you meet all the requirements and expectations that you have for the person you are dating. It is selfish to have a list of wants or demands of someone else that you cannot fulfill in return.
  5. Be honest: don’t hide or omit information simply because you are afraid that the person you are dating may not be able to accept your truth.
  6. Ask the important curious questions up front: Are you dating anyone else? Are you married? Are you ok if I date other people?
  7. Take it slow and easy: try taking your time to get to know the other person before making important decisions.

Please add your dating tips to the list!