Assessing Relationship Readiness……..

It is a very natural thing to want to be in a loving relationship with another person.  Many search and jump from relationship to relationship in an effort to find love, comfort, and companionship.  The problem with individuals desperately seeking relationships is that they often move forward with relationships before they are ready.  So how does one assess whether or not they are ready to pursue or commit to a relationship? Well it is my belief that several things should be in place in order for a relationship to develop in a healthy manner. Hopefully the following relationship assessment points will assist in determining whether one is ready or not.

  1. You are ready if you are single for at least two years and have assessed and learned from your past relationship mistakes (both parties have a role is the dissolution of the relationship).
  2. You know why you want to be in a relationship.
  3. You are financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically ready.
  4. Fully available (not married, not separated, or going through a divorce).
  5. You have been independent, lived alone, paying your own bills, and ok with being alone.
  6. You are ready when you know what you want out of a relationship (i.e. marriage, just dating, companionship).
  7. You are ready when you do not have relationship baggage (YOU HAVE HEALED AND PROCESSED YOUR HURT).
  8. You are ready when you can live in Relationship reality: are able to identify RED flags for potential relationship failure.
  • For more on this topic listen to Premarital Bliss Podcast
  • Wife Material

    What does it take to become an awesome wife? Are you wife material? How would you know if you were wife material? There was a time when women were value laden, feminine, and walked with respect and confidence. Sometimes this is not so in today’s society. There was a time when a wife was the lady that you married, lived with, had sex with, and built a life together. There was a time when being a wife was reserved for respectable women. In today’s world of free sex, children out of wedlock, shacking up etc. marriage does not always create a place of sanctity. So, who is wife material?

    A woman is wife material if:

    1. She refuses to shack up

    2. She refuses to have sex or children out of wedlock

    3. She desires to have a family and keep a home

    4. She is mature and intelligent/educated

    5. She understands the role of a wife

    6. She has standards

    7. She has values that are aligned with God

    8. She respects marriage

    9. She exudes class (appropriate dress, proper speech, respects her body, is not flirtatious etc)

    10. She is not desperate

    11. She is nurturing and caring

    12. She understands a husbands role

    Finally, if she has fallen short of any of the above, she learns from her mistakes. For example, she may have had one baby out of wedlock, but does not continue that behavior, she repents and turns her behavior around. Remember, no one is perfect, even I have made many of the mistakes above, but with the help of God I have turned things around, I am now proud to be wife material.

    Whats Wrong With Waiting?

    Why do individuals feel it is necessary to rush into life long commitments such as marriage and child rearing? These are two of the most important decisions that an individual will ever make in his or her adult life; therefore these decisions cannot be taken lightly. Marriage is a sacred institution and should not take place until the individuals involved have taken ample time to get to know each other. The decision to marry should not be made simply because individuals feel happy, have butterflies in their tummy, or because of outstanding sex. Marriage should not occur to fulfill selfish reasons like not wanting to be alone, or because friends and family members are pressuring you to marry. No, this decision is serious and the idea of “if this doesn’t work I can divorce” should not be an option, because this type of thinking will lead to couples abandoning their relationships at the slightest discomfort. 

    Before you decide to get married take the time to get to know the other person. Be sure to know, interview, and understand their family of origin. Don’t settle for uncertainties, ask important questions and observe behaviors that may be problematic. Find out about marital, sexual, financial, employment, and psychological histories. This is important so that there are no surprises. You should see all aspects of the other person’s personality such as happiness, sadness, anger, depression, etc. Often when people want to get married they only display their desirable characteristics so that they may impress the other person. Couples should date and get to know each other for at least a year prior to marrying, couples should not live together, because this gives a false impression of what marriage is all about and is wrong in the eyes of God.

    Just as there is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage, one should also wait for the correct time to have children. I believe having a child is more life changing than marriage, because children unlike a marriage cannot be dissolved. The relationship is permanent and unlike and any other.  The decision to create a baby should not be made without careful thought given to how this will change lives forever, and the amount of support that is needed in order to raise children properly.

    For some reason in our society it has become the norm to act first and think later. In some situations this could be a good thing, but when it comes to parenting and marriage this might not be the best approach. Whatever happened to placing value on making thoughtful and sound decisions. Why is there a need for rush, rush? I have a theory about why our society needs to rush everything. Maybe people are rushing because they are afraid that if they took the time to wait for marriage and children that they would realize, maybe, just maybe the person they want to marry or create children with is not appropriate, but they are afraid of being alone and never experiencing being a parent or having committed relationship. But what good is a relationship if it is not with the right person and what good is having a child for the wrong reason, both situations can result in pain and unhappiness.

    Give yourself time to make good decisions!