The Role Of Problem Solving

One skill that is very helpful for individuals and newlywed couples is the ability to problem solve. Problem Solving is useful throughout all aspects of life, individuals as well as couples need to master this very important skill. Problem solving should be developed before marriage because marriage will present many obstacles and need the skill of problem solving. When couples have arguments, are deciding whether or not to have children, or when they decide to purchase a house; problem solving skills will be in high demand.

Individual problem solving skills before marriage are important, these skills can be used to solve dating conflict, deciding what career path to take, and when is the appropriate time to start or stop dating. Problem solving skills are lifelong assets that will be of constant use. When a couple marries and they do not have problem solving skills the marriage can become a source of stress as conflict will ensue and breed negativity between the couple. 

Adequate problem solving skills should include the following: maturing in the area of thinking, the ability to work as a team, and the ability to see both sides of every problem or opinion. A free thinking mature individual should be able to problem solve individually and with their spouse. Individual problem solving shows a sign of autonomy and maturity.

Relationship Chopped

One of my favorite television shows is “Chopped” that airs on the Food Network. If you haven’t seen the show the premise is that four chefs compete in timed competitions to make three dishes, each round somebody is eliminated. The chefs stand before a panel of judges and they listen to the judges critique their finished dishes. One of the obstacles within the competition is that for each meal the chefs cook they have to use specified ingredients, some ingredients they have used before and some they may be unfamiliar with. 

Well, I began to think about what if we used a relationship version of chopped. What if, when we decided we were ready to marry we dated several people at a time; lets say four dates at a time. How wonderful if the potential mates could audition for a place in your heart, to see if they really loved you and to see if they were marriage material.

The first round would warrant that a contestant desires to marry, passes all perquisites such as (good financial standing, sharing values/religion, future goals and family values, work ethic, sexual past etc.) this would hopefully insure that you are on the same page with your date. If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

The second round would require that there is enough attraction, in other words are you in love, are you sexually, mentally, emotionally attracted to your date? Do you desire to be with this individual? If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

The third round would require that your date is able to past the family test. If your date met your friends and family (provided they are mature and emotionally and spiritually sound) would they receive a favorable review? If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

The fourth round would require a proposal in a timely manner and respect for moral values. Meaning that your potential mate should not attempt to live with you before marriage or to have sex with you out of marriage. The winner of relationship chopped would be spiritually mature, ready to commit, would not have to wait on a divorce, and would not drag his or her feet by delaying the proposal or having an extended engagement. If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.

It should be this simple, and you should have requirements for the person that you decide to marry.

Loving Through The Distance

Relationships are difficult, if distance is added to the equation the difficulties may become magnified. Relationship distance can occur for several reasons, we have to be mindful of signing up for relationships where distance is a part of the equation. Often people enter relationships with good intentions, but later complain and become resentful of their partner. This then becomes an unfair situation. There are several adequate reasons for distance in a relationship, such as individuals who serve in our countries’ military, those who travel for work purposes, and those who are temporarily taking care of a loved one.

When we are in a relationship with someone who travels for work often, we owe it to them to be supportive, encouraging, and grateful. Especially if we knew ahead of time that our love one has a position that requires travel.  Some separation can be healthy, in that it allows us to appreciate the other  person and the quality of the relationship. When someone is not a part of our daily routine will are then able to realize how much of a major role they play in our lives. Time spent together becomes more deliberate, planned, and appreciated. When we are away from our loved ones we have very little time to sweat the small stuff when we are together.  Distance can foster needed independence that some couples need; getting out of our comfort zone allows us to broaden our coping skill set.

One major advantage of being separated from our love ones is that we get the opportunity to engage in the loss art of courting and engaging in meaningful conversation. When we are apart we have to concentrate more on conversation, this is a loss art.  Many couples do not know how to communicate and do not value conversation. With advances in technology we often overlook the benefits of a good old fashion conversation; which can allow us to increase intimacy and lessen conflict.

Here are some tips for loving through the distance:

  1. Utilize technology such as Skype, text, E-Cards etc to communicate.
  2. Instead of focusing on the distance, focus on the positive, such as career advancement, more money, or service to country.
  3. Rekindle the old flame that originally bought you together.
  4. Take advantage of the time apart, do something that you normally would not be able to do.