One of my favorite television shows is “Chopped” that airs on the Food Network. If you haven’t seen the show the premise is that four chefs compete in timed competitions to make three dishes, each round somebody is eliminated. The chefs stand before a panel of judges and they listen to the judges critique their finished dishes. One of the obstacles within the competition is that for each meal the chefs cook they have to use specified ingredients, some ingredients they have used before and some they may be unfamiliar with.
Well, I began to think about what if we used a relationship version of chopped. What if, when we decided we were ready to marry we dated several people at a time; lets say four dates at a time. How wonderful if the potential mates could audition for a place in your heart, to see if they really loved you and to see if they were marriage material.
The first round would warrant that a contestant desires to marry, passes all perquisites such as (good financial standing, sharing values/religion, future goals and family values, work ethic, sexual past etc.) this would hopefully insure that you are on the same page with your date. If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.
The second round would require that there is enough attraction, in other words are you in love, are you sexually, mentally, emotionally attracted to your date? Do you desire to be with this individual? If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.
The third round would require that your date is able to past the family test. If your date met your friends and family (provided they are mature and emotionally and spiritually sound) would they receive a favorable review? If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.
The fourth round would require a proposal in a timely manner and respect for moral values. Meaning that your potential mate should not attempt to live with you before marriage or to have sex with you out of marriage. The winner of relationship chopped would be spiritually mature, ready to commit, would not have to wait on a divorce, and would not drag his or her feet by delaying the proposal or having an extended engagement. If they didn’t pass the test then they would be CHOPPED.
It should be this simple, and you should have requirements for the person that you decide to marry.
I had the pleasure to spend a full day with some very positive, loving, and high achieving people. I remember ending my day thinking how blessed I was to be surrounded by people who I can learn from, but also those people give of their time, wisdom, and resources. What was so special about these particular people is that they have had a lot of success in life, yet they have managed to remain humble, kind, and giving. When looking for friendship it is important to look for those with character; such as those who are giving, kind, full of wisdom, and overall decent people.
Even more important when choosing a mate, it is important to choose someone who you can grow with, learn from, provide support, and feel supported. Friendships are important and marriages that are built on the foundation of friendship are stable and have strong roots. Always take the time to see your potential mates true character.
What character traits are important to you?
When an individual decides to marry and become two some things are bound to change. The idea of becoming two simply means that the newly formed couple works as a team; the two individuals now consult each other before making decisions as to insure they are not being inconsiderate. It is important for the process of bonding to take place so that the marriage has a firm foundation. After the two individuals have become two it is also equally important for the two to maintain some individuality. For instance, each one should take time for self by maintaining friendships, alone time, and hobbies. When a married couple does not have an outlet to release energy and creativity then stress will build within the relationship. A well-rounded couple consist of those who can function within the relationship as well as outside of the relationship. Don’t allow your spouse to become your safety net; thus allowing your activities and friendships to wither away.
Why do individuals feel it is necessary to rush into life long commitments such as marriage and child rearing? These are two of the most important decisions that an individual will ever make in his or her adult life; therefore these decisions cannot be taken lightly. Marriage is a sacred institution and should not take place until the individuals involved have taken ample time to get to know each other. The decision to marry should not be made simply because individuals feel happy, have butterflies in their tummy, or because of outstanding sex. Marriage should not occur to fulfill selfish reasons like not wanting to be alone, or because friends and family members are pressuring you to marry. No, this decision is serious and the idea of “if this doesn’t work I can divorce” should not be an option, because this type of thinking will lead to couples abandoning their relationships at the slightest discomfort.
Before you decide to get married take the time to get to know the other person. Be sure to know, interview, and understand their family of origin. Don’t settle for uncertainties, ask important questions and observe behaviors that may be problematic. Find out about marital, sexual, financial, employment, and psychological histories. This is important so that there are no surprises. You should see all aspects of the other person’s personality such as happiness, sadness, anger, depression, etc. Often when people want to get married they only display their desirable characteristics so that they may impress the other person. Couples should date and get to know each other for at least a year prior to marrying, couples should not live together, because this gives a false impression of what marriage is all about and is wrong in the eyes of God.
Just as there is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage, one should also wait for the correct time to have children. I believe having a child is more life changing than marriage, because children unlike a marriage cannot be dissolved. The relationship is permanent and unlike and any other. The decision to create a baby should not be made without careful thought given to how this will change lives forever, and the amount of support that is needed in order to raise children properly.
For some reason in our society it has become the norm to act first and think later. In some situations this could be a good thing, but when it comes to parenting and marriage this might not be the best approach. Whatever happened to placing value on making thoughtful and sound decisions. Why is there a need for rush, rush? I have a theory about why our society needs to rush everything. Maybe people are rushing because they are afraid that if they took the time to wait for marriage and children that they would realize, maybe, just maybe the person they want to marry or create children with is not appropriate, but they are afraid of being alone and never experiencing being a parent or having committed relationship. But what good is a relationship if it is not with the right person and what good is having a child for the wrong reason, both situations can result in pain and unhappiness.
Give yourself time to make good decisions!
Dating can be exciting and fun, it can also be painful and confusing if one does not date with a plan in mind. The pain that is sometimes experienced can be eased if one dates with an agenda. Having an agenda reduces stress, confusion, and hurt feelings. Having a dating agenda simplifies the entire dating process. Be sure when you date you understand your purpose for dating and the purpose of the other person, dating should not turn into a long painstaking ordeal. Here are some helpful tips for dating made easy.
- Have an agenda: it is imperative to know why you are dating, whether you date for companionship or marriage, be sure to know ahead of time. Don’t be naive, remember some people simply date for casual reasons, be sure to know your dates intentions.
- You are either married or single (I once heard someone say): do not place unrealistic expectations upon the person you are dating. True commitment can only come from marriage. Don’t waste time and emotions pretending that someone you are dating casually has a commitment to fidelity, especially if you have not defined fidelity within the relationship.
- Teach your date how to treat you: opening the door for a woman, not calling after a certain time, speaking in a respectful manner etc. starts with the first encounter.
- Know what you are bringing to the table? Be sure that you meet all the requirements and expectations that you have for the person you are dating. It is selfish to have a list of wants or demands of someone else that you cannot fulfill in return.
- Be honest: don’t hide or omit information simply because you are afraid that the person you are dating may not be able to accept your truth.
- Ask the important curious questions up front: Are you dating anyone else? Are you married? Are you ok if I date other people?
- Take it slow and easy: try taking your time to get to know the other person before making important decisions.
Please add your dating tips to the list!
Ladies, in the present days, of high-powered jobs, international travel, and highly educated women, we cannot forget to show love and make it a priority in our marriages. Hold on tight to your husband and show him loving kindness and goodness as often as possible. Remember your degree or job cannot replace the love that only a wife can give, the degree cannot make love to him, birth children, or stroke his ego, only you can do that.
If you feel stuck here are some helpful hints to guide you on the love path.
12 ideas for “LOVING KINDNESS ACTS”
- ACT 1: Don’t just say I LOVE YOU, show the love with sexy text messages, whisper in his hear, play footsie under the table, get his attention with sexy eyes, and silent back and neck rubs when he is sitting at his computer.
- ACT 2: When he is watching sports watch with him (silently) if you do not like sports then make his favorite snack foods and leave him alone to enjoy the game. Don’t be a nuisance, nobody likes a kill joy or a HATER.
- ACT 3: If your husband travels for business, pack his clothes and leave little notes in his suit case that he can read when he arrives at his hotel.
- ACT 4: Spice things up by giving him an unexpected lap dance, have sex in a new venue, wear something that is normally not your style.
- ACT 5: Visit him at work, make his favorite lunch, drop it off, be sure to look gorgeous and sexy and give him a long passionate kiss. Leave his office or work site without saying a word other than hi, bye, and I love you. Don’t strike up conversation about work, kids, or bills, saying NOTHING.
- ACT 6: ALWAYS thank him for the little things that he does daily like working hard, taking out the trash, killing the bugs, and protecting and loving you.
- ACT 7: Once a month give him a day all about him: let him pick the activity, the restaurant etc.
- ACT 8: At night let him lay his head on your chest and LISTEN while he talks, don’t offer advice or your opinion unless directly asked to do so, rub his head or back and kiss his forehead.
- ACT 9: When he walks into the house jump his bones and shower him with hugs and kisses every time.
- ACT 10: Practice and Master the act of SHUTTING UP, if we are constantly making noise then we cannot hear important messages from our husbands.
- ACT 11: Fulfill all his sexual needs to the best of your ability: sex is a constant, if he knew that sex was going to be off the menu, then he probably would have not married you. Remember keep it sexy and make it happen frequently.
- ACT 12: Run him a hot bath, join him in the shower, wash his back or his hair.
Remember, be creative and have fun!